Short 'n sweet

[Mud Dog]

* A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
* Granny replies, f*** the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

-----------------------------------------

* Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
* Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
* Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
* Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
* Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'

-----------------------------------------

* A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'
* He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

------------------------------------------

* Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
* Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!

-------------------------------------------

* An elderly couple is attending Mass.
* About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
* He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

[zepplin]

[jacques kotze]

[Paul Grobler]

[ChrisF]

eina .....

:)

[JJBotes]

[Mud Dog]

I was in the 'Six Item Express' lane at the supermarket, quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So - which six items would you like to buy?"

*******************************

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.

*******************************

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

*******************************

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

*******************************

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob.."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"

*******************************

[jacques kotze]