Joke of the day

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri Jan 30, 2015 9:32 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 11:43 am

HIERDIE JAN IS EGTER NIET VAN NEDERLAND, MAAR WEL VAN ONZE EIE ZULULAND!

HY HEET: JAN JACOB VAN NKANDLA

DE MENZE SE: “HIERDIE JAN HET NIET GEKOM MET DE DROMMEDARIS, DE REIJGER OF DE GOEDEHOOP,

MAAR WEL MET DE DROMME VOL WYWENS, DE MOERSE HUIZENS EN ONZEKERE HOOP…

Pote · Post by **Pote** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 12:04 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 1:50 pm

: Dirty mind.jpg (19.75 KiB) Viewed 10568 times

Toppie4x4 · Post by **Toppie4x4** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:21 pm

Guilty............

Rianc · Post by **Rianc** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:27 pm

Shoe, ja dit was moelik, ek het die eerste een verkeerd gehad "boots"!

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:39 pm

Toppie4x4 wrote:Guilty............

+1

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 3:09 pm

Guilty, caught me.

Post by **Haboob** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 3:12 pm

Guilty

+ 3

Post by **Family_Dog** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:36 pm

I believe Mud Dog was the only one amongst us who got all answers correct.

Well done Andy!

-F_D

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Mon Feb 02, 2015 9:04 pm

draai nie my rug op n man wat daai reg kry nie !

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:50 am

Family_Dog wrote:I believe Mud Dog was the only one amongst us who got all answers correct.

Well done Andy!

-F_D

Hehehe ...... we've had this one before, so I knew I had to think of the less 'obvious' answers .... took me a lot longer than I expected!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Feb 03, 2015 7:32 am

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Feb 04, 2015 8:10 am

Crazy buggers!!

(Warning - some rough language.)

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tuff tralies · Post by **tuff tralies** » Wed Feb 04, 2015 8:23 am

Hahahahaha wonder wat n klieent sal se as ek sy bakkie so boor

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Wed Feb 04, 2015 8:28 am

: ImageUploadedByTapatalk1423031226.816435.jpg (70.12 KiB) Viewed 10459 times

Tonto · Post by **Tonto** » Wed Feb 04, 2015 12:42 pm

Die gatboordery is verseker nie `n grap nie!!! Dit maak enige verantwoordelike vuurwapeneienaar die m....r in en behoort hier afgehaal te word.
Iemand gaan verseker seerkry wat dit onder ander omstandighede probeer. ek het jare gelede gesien hoe lyk `n man se bene wat dit met sy 30-06 gedoen het. die skrapnel het hom lelik seergemaak en hy was gelukkig om met sy lewe daarvan af te kom.

Toppie4x4 · Post by **Toppie4x4** » Wed Feb 04, 2015 12:57 pm

Stem saam

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Feb 05, 2015 9:24 am

WHO IS JACK SCHITT??????

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

NOTE: PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH.

REMEMBER: IF YOU DON'T THEN YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO FULLA SCHITT

Obelix and Dogmatix · Thu Feb 05, 2015 10:32 am

Jan Plaasboer trek by die robot in langs 'n stunning chick.

Hy glimlag vir haar en draai sy venster af.

Sy glimlag terug en draai ook haar venster af.

Jan glimlag weer mooi en sê: "Het jy ook in jou kar gepoep?"

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Feb 05, 2015 11:24 am

vanthev8man · Post by **vanthev8man** » Thu Feb 05, 2015 11:32 am

:wth: daai gatboorders gaan een of ander tyd hul gatte sien!

stokken fupid! :wth:

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Feb 05, 2015 1:40 pm

vanthev8man wrote::wth: daai gatboorders gaan een of ander tyd hul gatte sien!

stokken fupid! :wth:

Ja, it's stupid, but that's why it's in the humour section.

If I were to comment a bit more seriously about it, I would say that personal injury to the shooter would be a secondary concern in my book - his stupidity would be rewarded. It's the bystanders or even someone innocently minding their own business somewhere 'downrange'. As crazy as what it is, they could have made it a lot safer with sandbags behind and either side (front) of the "hole" to arrest projectiles.

tuff tralies · Post by **tuff tralies** » Fri Feb 06, 2015 8:30 am

Eksdom

HennieO · Post by **HennieO** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 5:18 pm

: WPman.jpg (31.92 KiB) Viewed 10265 times

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 5:22 pm

Daai foto is nie reg nie

Daar is geen steroids in daai prentjie nie

Post by **Mud Dog** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 11:54 pm

GOD to ST. FRANCIS:
Frank, .... You know all about gardens and nature. What in
the world is going on down there on the planet?What
happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff
I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden
plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand
drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and
flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of
colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to
great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't
attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod
worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these
Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing
grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make
grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so
it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off
and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Lord.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer
when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.
That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay
more money to water it, so they can continue to mow
it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty
and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to
the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture
in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a
natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have
drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they
rake them into great piles and pay to have them
hauled away.

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and
tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something which they call mulch. They haul it home
and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie
have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story
from St. Francis.

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 1:41 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 2:18 am

Cleaner · Post by **Cleaner** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 11:41 am

Mud Dog wrote:
pr.jpg

Ek soek ook so een!!!

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 1:59 pm

An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. When she asked if
she could have a bath the lady of the house told her they didn't have a
bath, although if she wanted to she could use a tin wash tub in front of the
fire.
"Monday's the best night because my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled
the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that
the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when
he came home.

He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts,
leave a little early and wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the
curtains so you can see for yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:
"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any pubic hair. I take it you
have?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her night dress and showed the
girl that she possessed a generously endowed pelt.....very generous indeed.

The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see
it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"

"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often
enough before."

"I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't."

Oupa Stig · Post by **Oupa Stig** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 2:14 pm

Bwa hahaha!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 3:03 pm

That's just brilliant

Masekind · Post by **Masekind** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 3:20 pm

Mooi man toe kyk hulle fliek ini bos

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 9:21 pm

You are on a Horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop off.

And on your left side is an Elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping Kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a Lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation safely?

Answer :

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 9:34 pm

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

“I am so sorry Frank. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again.”

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

“Bloody auto spell! I meant "wifi, not "wife" . . .”

Toppie4x4 · Post by **Toppie4x4** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 6:51 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 6:57 am

Bloody auto-correct

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 8:49 am

So the other day I decided to take my nephews to the zoo.
The place was really run-down and the only animal there was a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu.

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 8:53 am

Donald and Daisy went out for a night on the town and later he got her back to the motel room. He was ready to go and she said, DONALD, you are not touching me with that without a condom. He asked where am I going to get one this time of night. Go down and ask the clerk if they have some in stock.

He went down and asked, do you have any condoms, the clerk said yes, we do. Donald says I need a packet, not problem replied the clerk, do you want me tp put these on your bill. Donald stepped back and said, THIT NO, I WILL THUFFOCATE!!!

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 10:05 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 1:12 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 8:49 pm

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:55 am

Goed om eerlike mense daar buite te sien...

Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:58 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:05 am

Donkey · Post by **Donkey** » Fri Feb 13, 2015 1:33 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:21 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:44 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Feb 17, 2015 9:44 pm

No chance in hell

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Feb 18, 2015 8:21 pm

: l s dryer.jpg (33.61 KiB) Viewed 10366 times

Would have been the perfect Valentine's gift for Swambo!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Feb 18, 2015 8:57 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri Feb 20, 2015 8:30 am

In and out . . . . in and out . . . .
A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her br*asts . . . . and, trickling down the small of her back .
. . .
She was getting near to the end . . . . !!
He was in ecst@sy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . . Forwards then backwards . . . .
Forward then backward . . . .
Again . . . . and, again . . . . !!
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . ..
Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . .
She shouted . . . . :

"OK, OK, you smug b@stard, I can't parallel park . . . .You do it . . . . !!"

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Fri Feb 20, 2015 9:11 am

Mud Dog wrote:In and out . . . . in and out . . . .
A little to the right . . . . a little to the left . . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .
Between her br*asts . . . . and, trickling down the small of her back .
. . .
She was getting near to the end . . . . !!
He was in ecst@sy . . . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . . . Forwards then backwards . . . .
Forward then backward . . . .
Again . . . . and, again . . . . !!
Her heart was pounding now . . . .
Her face was flushed . . . .
She moaned . . . . softly at first, then began to groan louder . . . ..
Finally . . . . totally exhausted . . . . she let out a piercing scream . . . .
She shouted . . . . :

"OK, OK, you smug b@stard, I can't parallel park . . . .You do it . . . . !!"

i like +20

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri Feb 20, 2015 3:52 pm

Riaan S · Post by **Riaan S** » Sat Feb 21, 2015 10:50 am

The difference between delight and despair - delight is when your son is a hooker for the Springbok team; despair is when your daughter is a hooker for the Springbok team...

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Feb 21, 2015 11:06 am

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sun Feb 22, 2015 10:29 am

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