Joke of the day

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Sat Nov 08, 2014 12:52 pm

BWHAhahaha .....

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat Nov 08, 2014 5:24 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Sun Nov 09, 2014 3:43 pm

Ek weet van n paar Hiluxe wat die dominee ook maar kan opskryf

Post by **george** » Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:33 pm

: croc.jpg (30.12 KiB) Viewed 11090 times

"that one!! he called me a gecko!!!"

Post by **george** » Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:42 pm

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Post by **george** » Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:44 pm

: talk.jpg (11.4 KiB) Viewed 11089 times

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:13 pm

george wrote:
talk.jpg

and LATER you learn to LISTEN before admitting to anything and everything ....

Mossienel · Post by **Mossienel** » Mon Nov 10, 2014 6:52 am

Post by **Mud Dog** » Mon Nov 10, 2014 10:17 am

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winter's morning; "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back; "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later; "Computer REALLY stuffed now."

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Nov 10, 2014 10:18 am

So true...

Dropout.jpg: (40.37 KiB) Downloaded 443 times

Hilux 1 · Post by **Hilux 1** » Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:05 am

amper sulke tyd

Hangover · Post by **Hangover** » Mon Nov 10, 2014 12:30 pm

Hahaha tot kersvader se waardes val...

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:29 pm

Obelix and Dogmatix · Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:08 pm

A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight.

They start eyeing each other, and both realize they want to do the same
thing.

He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted.

Rear toilet? He suggests.

Five minutes, she agrees and goes off.

He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her. “Right, get
that condom on” she says.

Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.

But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they
are up to.

So, she humiliates them by making an announcement over the
PA system. "To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what
you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations.
Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke
detector."

And what were you thinking?

I worry about you sometimes!

Hangover · Post by **Hangover** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:21 pm

Hahaha

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:34 pm

Lets Play · Post by **Lets Play** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:37 pm

Obelix and Dogmatix wrote:
I worry about you sometimes!

Grapgat

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:21 pm

Post by **Baasvark** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 3:34 pm

Reinart21 · Post by **Reinart21** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 3:41 pm

10808106_560419880771179_1239723849_n.jpg: (39.5 KiB) Downloaded 316 times

Rianc · Post by **Rianc** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 3:57 pm

Waar kom julle aan al die goed? Moenie stop nie, dis kwaai!

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 4:05 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 4:21 pm

I only drink on days that end in a "y"

:friends:

:friends:

Donkey · Post by **Donkey** » Tue Nov 11, 2014 8:14 pm

scott west wrote:An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut,
but he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.."

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 5:57 am

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:34 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:34 am

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:48 am

*EATING IN THE FIFTIES*

Pasta was not eaten in Australia.

Curry was a surname.

A takeaway was a mathematical problem.

A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.

All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not.

Rice was only eaten as a milk pudding.

Calamari was called squid and we used it as fish bait.

A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.

Brown bread was something only poor people ate.

Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.

Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold. Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.

Fish didn't have fingers in those days.

Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi.

None of us had ever heard of yoghurt.

Healthy food consisted of anything edible.

People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy.

Indian restaurants were only found in India.

Cooking outside was called camping.

Seaweed was not a recognised food.

"Kebab" was not even a word, never mind a food.

Prunes were medicinal.

Surprisingly, muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed.

Water came out of the tap.
If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than petrol for it, they would have become a laughing stock!!

The one thing that we never ever had on our table in the fifties ......

"Elbows Or Phones."

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:54 am

A small town farmer had 3 daughters. Being a single father, he
tended to be somewhat over-protective of them. When gentlemen
came to take his daughters out on a date, he would greet them
with a shotgun to make sure that they knew who was boss.

One evening all of his daughters had plans. The doorbell rang,
the farmer got his shotgun and answered the door. A young
gentleman said, "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to
the show - Is she ready to go?" The farmer frowned, but decided
to let them go.

The doorbell rang again a few minutes later, the farmer got his
shotgun and answered the door. A young gentleman said, "Hi, I'm
Eddie. I'm here for Betty, We're gonna get spaghetti - Is she
ready?" The farmer frowned but decided to let them go.

The doorbell rang again after a couple of minutes. The farmer
got his shotgun and answered the door. A young gentleman said,
"Hi, I'm Chuck..." And the farmer shot him

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 9:04 am

I WOULD HAVE SHOT THE FIRST ONE :evil: :evil: :evil:

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 10:51 am

Can't keep an Irishman silent anywhere!

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bugger!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bugger!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that IDIOT, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

Hilux 1 · Post by **Hilux 1** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 10:59 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 11:05 am

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain.
As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice s*er, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs.
If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.
Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.
"Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber,
Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.
NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need.
Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.
Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why.

Rule #13: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw.
If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.
No one knows why.

Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.
No one knows why.

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 11:42 am

Obelix and Dogmatix · Wed Nov 12, 2014 12:15 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 12:30 pm

Obelix and Dogmatix wrote:

Good 0ne!!

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 12:48 pm

: Brain 4.jpg (21.71 KiB) Viewed 11081 times

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 12:56 pm

4x4BEES wrote:Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain.
As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice s*er, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs.
If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.
Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.
"Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber,
Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.
NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need.
Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.
Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why.

Rule #13: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw.
If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.
No one knows why.

Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.
No one knows why.

why all these FACTS in a joke thread ?

and yes, I have a number of cordless drills, four sets of sockets, a label maker, a chain saw, an extention ladder, LOTS of rope ....

WHO spoke to my wife ?

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:52 pm

Reinart21 · Post by **Reinart21** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 7:52 am

Die blonde meisie kom al springende van die skool af en sê vir haar ma... "Mamma ons het vandag geleer tel, al die ander kinders kon net tel tot by 5, ek was al een wat kon tel tot by 10, is dit omdat ek blond is?" Haar ma sê toe... "Ja my kind"

Die volgende dag kom sy weer al springende van die skool af en sê vir haar ma.... "Mamma, vandag het ons leer spel, al die ander kinders kon net gaan tot... by D, ek was al een wat kon spel tot by J, is dit omdat ek blond is?" Haar ma sê toe... "Ja my kind"

Die derde dag kom sy weer al springende van die skool af en sê...
"Mamma vandag het ons almal saam gestort, toe sien ek al die meisies is plat en ek is al een met 'n 36 DD, is dit omdat ek blond is....
en haar ma sê toe...

"Nee my kind dis omdat jy 25 jaar oud is!"

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 8:15 am

Ek is n bloubul ondersteuner en het dit nou op een van my blaaie gekry op FB

ETIKET VIR BLOUBULL ONDERSTEUNERS

(soos voorgeskryf deur Emsie Schoeman, en hersien deur Andre P. Brink) (Thanks BetsieGaza!)

ALGEMEEN
1. Moet nooit bier saamvat na ‘n job interview nie.
2. Probeer eers uitvind wie die mense in jou jaard is voor jy begin skiet.
3. Die dominee smaak dit nie as jy ‘n cooler box saamvat kerk toe nie.
4. As jy die bed moet stofsuig is dit tyd om ander lakens op te sit.
5. Selfs al is jy seker jy is ingesluit in die testament, moenie jou Venter saamsleep na ‘n begrafnis toe nie.
UITEET
1. As jy wyn skink, tilt die paper cup sodat jy nie die “vrug” van die wyn bederf nie.
2. As jy uit die bottel uit drink, hou hom so vas sodat jou vingers die label toehou.
ONTHAAL IN JOU HUIS
1. Moenie jou geliefde opgestopte hamster/kat/hond/aap op die koffietafel sit nie.
2. Moenie dat jou hond van die tafel eet nie (al is sy maniere beter as jou gaste s’n).
PERSOONLIKE GESONDHEID
1. Terwyl ore gereeld moet skoongemaak word, is dit ‘n job wat verkieslik met jou eie bakkiesleutels gedoen moet word.
2. Grond en olie onder jou vinger naels is ‘n social nee, want dit gee daai finger snacks ‘n snaakse smaak en cherries laaik dit nie so kwaai nie.
VERHOUDINGS (buite die familie)
1. Bied altyd aan om die aas aan jou goose se hoek te sit, veral met die eerste date.
2. Wees aggressief. Laat weet haar jy wag al twee jaar om met haar uit te gaan nadat jy daai goed gelees het teen die toilet muur daar by Shoprite.
3. Maak seker jy vind uit by haar ma-hulle wanneer sy by die huis moet wees.
Party sal se; 10-uur, ander “Maandag”. As die antwoord Maandag is,is dit Jou job om te sorg dat sy betyds by die skool is.
FLIEK
1. Moenie met die mense op die screen probeer praat nie. Jarelange wetenskaplike navorsing het bewys dat hulle jou nie kan hoor nie.
TROUES
1. Kleinvee is nie so ‘n hot trougeskenk nie.
2. As jy die bruid langer as 5 sekondes soen, kan jy miskien geskiet word.
3. Vir die bruidegom: Huur ‘n tux; ‘n corduroy broek en T-shirt met ‘n Cummerbund werk nie so lekker nie.
4. Al is dit moelik, se maar ja vir sokkies en skoene (al is dit dan net vir die kerk).
BESTUUR
1. Dim jou ligte as ‘n kar van voor af kom, al is jou gun gelaai.
2. As jy by ‘n 4-way stop kom, ry die ou met die grootste wiele eerste.
3. Moet nooit ‘n ander blaar se kar tou met pantyhose en duct tape nie..
4. As jy jou vrou/goose met ‘n kannetjie stuur om te gaan petrol haal, is dit swak maniere om haar te vra om bier ook saam terug te bring.
5. Moenie spin as jy in ‘n begrafnisstoet ry nie

Obelix and Dogmatix · Thu Nov 13, 2014 12:51 pm

Not a joke at all but very funny

http://damn.com/p/message-to-kids/?utm_ ... gn=flashef" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 2:12 pm

He can be glad some of those parents didn't kill him

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 2:52 pm

4x4BEES wrote:He can be glad some of those parents didn't kill him

I would have :evil:

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 6:41 pm

BULL.jpg: (24.88 KiB) Downloaded 334 times

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 7:36 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 8:42 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu Nov 13, 2014 11:23 pm

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10 ... =2&theater" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

nou se ek niks meer nie...

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 2:40 am

Ek mag nie die video sien nie

facebook wil nie he nie

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 8:10 am

Hier's hy op youtube;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6ZPM3tb1AY" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 8:47 am

Saw this the other day brilliant

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 1:21 pm

Black Man's Wheels

: BMW.jpg (35.28 KiB) Viewed 10853 times

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 2:18 pm

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=86 ... =2&theater" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

asetileen is n bl ksim

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 2:27 pm

Hoppy wrote:https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=86 ... =2&theater

asetileen is n bl ksim

Nee die (vier leter woord) man met die balon is die blik!!

ek M_ _r hom dood!!!!!

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 2:54 pm

Hoppy wrote:Black Man's Wheels

BMW.jpg

An upgrade for Donkey

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri Nov 14, 2014 9:17 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Nov 15, 2014 10:54 am

Hoppy wrote:https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=86 ... =2&theater

asetileen is n bl ksim

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sun Nov 16, 2014 11:58 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Nov 16, 2014 12:34 pm

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Sun Nov 16, 2014 2:26 pm

: VODKA14.jpg (38.75 KiB) Viewed 10725 times

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