Joke of the day

Share your jokes and funny campfire stories with us here.
Forum rules
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)

BEFORE YOU START A NEW JOKES THREAD PLEASE TAKE NOTE:
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

'Good looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart.

You're blessed with both!'




Don't be flattered, this message was sent to ME!!
I just wanted YOU GUYS to read it.
:twisted:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Thunder02 »

Mud Dog wrote:'Good looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart.

You're blessed with both!'




Don't be flattered, this message was sent to ME!!
I just wanted YOU GUYS to read it.
:twisted:
:laugh2:
They are talking about your Hilux :twisted:
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Gelukkig het ek n mooi Hilux anders het ek niks gehad nie.
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aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED!!!
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

1) That’s not right = Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive= Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP = Kum Hia

4) Stupid Man = Dum cough

5) Small Horse= Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach = Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped the coffee table= Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift = Chin Tu Fat

9) It’s Very dark in here = Wai So Dim

10) I Thought you were on a diet = Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone = No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week = Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight = Lei Ying Lo

14) He’s cleaning his automobile = Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odour is offensive = Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great= Fa Kin Su Pah
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset.

"What's the matter, buddy?" asks the bartender.

"It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home.

We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her husband came in the front door.

So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!''

''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender.

'Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated. When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to pee first. The lazy son of a b!+ch p!$$ed out the window right onto my head!"

"Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his 'protection' out the window. And where does it land? On my forehead!''

''Damn, that's rough!''

''Oh, I'm not finished! See, what really p!$$ed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his butt out of the window and let loose right on my head!''

''That would sure mess up my day.."


''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY p!$$ed me off?
When I looked down and saw that my feet were just THREE inches off the ground!!!"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?’

The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’

The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’

‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Family_Dog »

-------------------------
Bear in the Woods
-------------------------

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, and started growling and generally getting really mean.

The bear started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was from Czechoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him, and ate him alive. The other guy turned around and ran for his life.

A little while later, the second guy found a park ranger station and told his story. The ranger took his gun, and they both went out in search of the bear, in order to destroy it.

Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female. The ranger turned to the other guy and said: "Quick... tell me which bear ate your friend!" The ranger levelled his gun and got ready to shoot.

"I'm not really sure," said the other guy, "they both look similar."

"QUICK! Make up your mind!" said the ranger.

"O.K.," said the other, "it was the male."

The ranger promptly aimed and shot the female bear. The male ran off. Using his knife, the ranger cut open the belly of the female and found the body of the other man.

"But why didn't you shoot the male when I thought it was the male who ate my friend?" the other man asked.

"Well," said the ranger...

"I never trust anyone who says that the Czech's in the male!"
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Love that story Eric! :lol: I've actually used it on a number of occasions when I was told that the "cheque is in the mail", but of course nowadays cheques seem to be something of the past so it's been a while. :D:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Draadkar oli lek.

Post by Onza »

Hoe laat 'n mens 'n draadkar oli lek?


Jy sit hom 'n TOYOTA badge op. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth: :wth:

Kan jy dalk verduidelik wat "oli" is en dalk n foto opsit?
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by dd6 »

Hy het die verkeerde forum beet. Hy meen seker Land Rover. Toyota lek nie olie nie....
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by george »

Onza is claimed to be a feline species similar to a cougar. It is a cryptid – a creature whose existence has been alleged but not proven.
Moenie worry nie.Dis 'n skim wat wil stir :stir:
"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.-Saint Augustine"
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Bad day.jpg
(66.63 KiB) Downloaded 524 times
Khaki.jpg
Khaki.jpg (24.57 KiB) Viewed 9821 times
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aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Julius and says,
“Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every
person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary
display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of
this day and rejoice!”
Julius replied, "I seriasly dout dat. Wieth one lietle wave of jor
hend?...show me."
So the Pope gave him a "snot-klap".
Image
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Skroppie »

In Parliament recently, an ANC MP related the following account in praise of the President:-

"There was a father who gave a R100 note to each of his three sons and told them to buy something that would completely fill up a room.

The first son bought a load of hay for R100 - but couldn't fill the room completely.

The second son bought a load of raw cotton for R100 – he also couldn't fill the room completely.

The third son was wise and bought a candle for R1 – he lit it up and the room was completely filled with light."

The proud MP declared: "Our President Jacob Zuma is like the third son. From the day he has taken charge of his office, our country is filled with the bright light of prosperity!"

After the thunderous applause died down, a voice from the DA bench asked: "So, where is the remaining R99 ?"
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

Skroppie wrote:In Parliament recently, an ANC MP related the following account in praise of the President:-

"There was a father who gave a R100 note to each of his three sons and told them to buy something that would completely fill up a room.

The first son bought a load of hay for R100 - but couldn't fill the room completely.

The second son bought a load of raw cotton for R100 – he also couldn't fill the room completely.

The third son was wise and bought a candle for R1 – he lit it up and the room was completely filled with light."

The proud MP declared: "Our President Jacob Zuma is like the third son. From the day he has taken charge of his office, our country is filled with the bright light of prosperity!"

After the thunderous applause died down, a voice from the DA bench asked: "So, where is the remaining R99 ?"
would be funny if it was not so true
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Thunder02 »

Braai.jpg
Braai.jpg (42.1 KiB) Viewed 9760 times
Not all those who wander are lost!

Scout motto:be prepared....
www.4x4direct.co.za
Email: boksburg@4x4direct.co.za
IFS is like a swambo, soft, sexy and expensive!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Stem saam met daai een :thumbup: :thumbup:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

Thunder02 wrote:
Braai.jpg
nee wat ...

n man is n bok

en n bok is n blik...skottel ....


sy VROU weet waar hy kyk EN wat hy dink .....
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

ChrisF wrote:
Thunder02 wrote:
Braai.jpg
nee wat ...

n man is n bok

en n bok is n blik...skottel ....


sy VROU weet waar hy kyk EN wat hy dink .....
Skerp Chris Skerp!! :lol: :D: :evil:
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

skerp, dink jy hy weet nog hoe? ek dink hy laat dit doen.
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aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Samurai »

1.jpg
1.jpg (42.8 KiB) Viewed 9712 times
Image

"from this day to the ending of the world... we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers.
For he who today shed his blood with me shall be my brother."
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1700 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'


:shock3:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

:silent:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'

Customer: 'OK.'

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No.'

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

:faint:
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Real Name: Andy
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Oldie but a doozie ....


Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared.'

Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

Caller 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not??'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!'
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Obelix and Dogmatix
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

Image
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Baasvark »

Het al self gevoel ek wil sulke stappe neem.

Party keer die enigste manier om die "stealership" se aandag te kry waar hy andersins nie wil luister nie!!!!
Aint it ironic that "Common Sense" aint so common after all...
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

10636056_10204538899767845_194530058244248099_n.jpg
Image
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Obelix and Dogmatix
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

When God sends you help, don't ask questions
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP. Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God!
You even sent me a Professional!"
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

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aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by grobbepj »

Giving my age away I guess...
If it dont make sense you are too young
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mylux »

:laugh2:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

Hoe lank gaan Oscar in die tronk wees?

So 1.2m lank :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Seem to think that I may have posted this a long time back, but here goes anyway .....



An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy , went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: "Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Real Name: Andy
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Alcohol does not make you FAT - it makes you LEAN ....




.......................against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:
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Real Name: Andy
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

'Who the hell are you?' Demanded Colin, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom?'
The mysterious Man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter'.

Colin was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back straight away'.

St Peter replied 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.

We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?'

'It's not so bad' replies Colin, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode'.

'You're ovulating' explained the rooster, 'don't tell me you've never laid an egg before'. 'Never' replies Colin

'Well just relax and let it happen'

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the firsttime.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting

'Colin, skrik wakker jou dronk vark, jy ka& in die bed!!!'
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by 4x4BEES »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by peetvdw »

LOL!
Peet van der Walt
http://www.youtube.com/user/MonsterHilux" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

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aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Obelix and Dogmatix
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Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

Image
Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
Image
User avatar
Hoppy
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Hoppy »

Steve Hofmeyer se pa
BEER.jpg
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Image
aev@iburst.co.za
The trouble with trouble is...it always starts as fun.
The most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck is the arms of your children...
" I WOULD RATHER SIT ON THE TAILGATE OF MY HILUX WITH A BEER AND A CHOP, WATCHING A FIRE, THAN DINE IN THE BEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN "
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Oupa Stig »

Bl*ks*m!
I feel a lot less wise at 45 than I did at 15.
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by ChrisF »

Koos was the maintenance manager of a show grounds.

As the show evolves the days get looong, and rest is a scarce commodity.

Stress is at an al time high ....

Nothing better than the last night - time to have a drink with friends and to unwind ... and time to have a drink with friends ....


Now imagine that THICK head that hears a baby crying at 3:00 !!

"Bokkie, die baba huil ...."

"Shut up, jy's dronk !"

3:15 and the head is throbbing as the baby cries ....


"Bokkie, die baba huil ...."

"SHUT UP, jy's dronk !"


3:30 and this infernal crying is REALLY getting to you .......


"BOKKIE, die baba huil ...."

"SHUT UP, JY IS GESUIP !!!!"



3:45 and you are at wits end .......


"BOKKIE, ASSEBLIEF die baba huil ...."

"SHUT UP, JY IS GESUIP !!!! One het NIE n baba nie !!!"




was another hour of shear h3ll before "Koos" figures out the very real crying came from his daughters new doll. You know the type that cries when you remove the dummie .... and the dummie was GONE ..... now imagine a DRUNK man taking a doll apart to make it stop crying .....
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

An old couple are having an evening drink at the local tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As the old man moves in she leans back against the fence.

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together.. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!"
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

Image
Image

Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Froll
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Real Name: Roger
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Froll »

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Mud Dog
Moderator
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Town: East London
Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
Real Name: Andy
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Re: Joke of the day

Post by Mud Dog »

When you leave your computer on and unattended ..................


http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs13/f/2007/ ... becker.swf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.

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Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
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Lets Play
Low Range 4WD
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Town: Pretoria
Vehicle: 2008 Hilux D-4D D/C 4x4
Real Name: Hennie

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Lets Play »

Mud Dog wrote:When you leave your computer on and unattended ..................


http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs13/f/2007/ ... becker.swf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
This is really cool............
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Obelix and Dogmatix
LR4WD, Lockers, Crawler Gears
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Vehicle: HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix, donated to some clown, HILUX 4.0 V6 4x4 named Obelix II Onca front and rear Amade extreme Suspension and under water breathing apparatus
Real Name: Quentin
Location: Allens Nek

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Obelix and Dogmatix »

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Rules are there to make you think before you break them!!!
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question
.
COMMON SENCE IS NOT A GIFT, IT IS A PUNISHMENT!! BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE IT!!!
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