I had to share this from the 4x4 forum. Enjoy
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands
so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room,
denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in
the corner where nothing could get to it.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image002.jpg[/img]
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light.
Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
'Oh sh --'
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image003.jpg[/img]
SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image004.jpg[/img]
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image005.jpg[/img]
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image006.jpg[/img]
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...
It transforms human energy into a crooked,unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course,
the more dismal your future becomes.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image007.jpg[/img]
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
If nothing else is available,they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image008.jpg[/img]
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.
Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image009.jpg[/img]
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image010.jpg[/img]
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes,
trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image011.jpg[/img]
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces
that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image012.jpg[/img]
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image013.jpg[/img]
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cansand
splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, asthe name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image014.jpg[/img]
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws,
and butchering your palm.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image015.jpg[/img]
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image016.jpg[/img]
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image017.jpg[/img]
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod
to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.
[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image018.jpg[/img]
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door;
works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines,
refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a b*tch TOOL:[img]file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\%20clip_image019.gif[/img]
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs.
It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Tools and their uses
Forum rules
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
Please keep it light hearted enol. No serious stufs hey! :)
We are trying to make the technical information more visible in the Active Topics section. So we are trying to combine all the humour posts into a single thread. This will then more or less always stay on the active topics page if you keep appending your jokes onto this single thread. Your assistance will be greatly appreciated
-
- Low Range 4WD
- Posts: 160
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:10 pm
- Town: King Williams Town
- Vehicle: Isuzu
- Real Name: Craig
Tools and their uses
Isuzu 250D 4x2 with diffy lock
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.
- Froll
- Monster Truck
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- Vehicle: 2010 4.0 V6 Fortuner 4x4
- Real Name: Roger
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Re: Tools and their uses
Very good.
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
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- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Tools and their uses
Good one! We've had this one here before a few years back and I'm sure that by now we could have added a couple more 'useful' tools.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
- Mud Dog
- Moderator
- Posts: 29858
- Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:18 am
- Town: East London
- Vehicle: '90 SFA Hilux DC 4X4, Full OME, 110mm lift. Brospeed branch, 50mm ss freeflow exhaust. 30 x 9.5 Discoverer S/T's on Viper mags. L/R tank. (AWOL) '98 LTD 2.4 SFA, dual battery system. Dobinson suspension, LR tanks, 31" BF mud's.
- Real Name: Andy
- Club VHF Licence: HC103
Re: Tools and their uses
Here are a couple that I had the pleasure of using this morning ..... (without incident this time).
Pipe wrench - (affectionately otherwise known as a "bobejaan spanner" by South Africans).
A tool that effortlessly deforms threaded steel pipes or fittings that are stubborn to unscrew. Also known to slip when maximum torque is applied, especially useful for skinning knuckles.
Chip hammer
A sadomasochistic welding tool for removing searing hot weld slag and accurately popping it into an open collar or into the top of a boot or shoe, very effective for creating blisters and even ventilating clothing items. Can help to remove chest hair.
Arc welder
Used to heat up steel work for burning the hands of forgetful or unsuspecting persons. The heated work can also be used to alter the tread pattern of rubber soles.
Tape measure
A fun tool to see how far you can extend it unassisted before it collapses. Higher levels of this game are played outdoors and difficulty levels are dependant on wind conditions.
Pipe wrench - (affectionately otherwise known as a "bobejaan spanner" by South Africans).
A tool that effortlessly deforms threaded steel pipes or fittings that are stubborn to unscrew. Also known to slip when maximum torque is applied, especially useful for skinning knuckles.
Chip hammer
A sadomasochistic welding tool for removing searing hot weld slag and accurately popping it into an open collar or into the top of a boot or shoe, very effective for creating blisters and even ventilating clothing items. Can help to remove chest hair.
Arc welder
Used to heat up steel work for burning the hands of forgetful or unsuspecting persons. The heated work can also be used to alter the tread pattern of rubber soles.
Tape measure
A fun tool to see how far you can extend it unassisted before it collapses. Higher levels of this game are played outdoors and difficulty levels are dependant on wind conditions.
When your road comes to an end ...... you need a HILUX!.
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers ... what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Don't take life too seriously ..... no-one gets out alive.
It's not about waiting for storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
And be yourself ..... everyone else is taken!
-
- Low Range 4WD
- Posts: 160
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:10 pm
- Town: King Williams Town
- Vehicle: Isuzu
- Real Name: Craig
Re: Tools and their uses
Okay, I'm a bit slow in catching upMud Dog wrote: Good one! We've had this one here before a few years back and I'm sure that by now we could have added a couple more 'useful' tools.
Isuzu 250D 4x2 with diffy lock
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.
1 x Humorous Driver
GPS,Dashcam,tyre levers
I don't live in Africa, Africa lives in me - Kyle my son.
- Bugzy
- LR 4WD Full Lockers
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- Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:27 pm
- Town: Rustenburg
- Vehicle: 2015 Hilux S/C 4X4 Dakar1996 2.8D s/c 4x4 Hilux with 3CT Toyota motor
- Real Name: Buks
- Club VHF Licence: X56
- Location: Zuurplaat
- Contact:
Re: Tools and their uses
Di lyk vir my julle het 'n CCTV in my werkswinkel!!!!