Joke of the day

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Wed Jun 04, 2014 9:18 am

: Engineer.jpg (44.26 KiB) Viewed 10248 times

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Jun 04, 2014 7:20 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Jun 04, 2014 7:47 pm

An engineer with a mission!

klippe · Post by **klippe** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 3:16 pm

When the owners of this dog asked their housekeeper to take him
for a walk, they weren't expecting this...

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 3:30 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:44 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 9:57 pm

Looks like the 'bully' is enjoying it too!

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 9:53 am

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied that it only took a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, señor."

The American scoffed. "I am a Wharton MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then L.A., and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The fisherman asked, "But how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "Fifteen or 20 years."

"But what then?"

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions."

"Millions? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your friends

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 11:51 am

Very true.

swartvark · Post by **swartvark** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 12:01 pm

Briljant.

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 12:50 pm

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:13 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Jun 07, 2014 9:29 pm

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 6:09 am

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 8:36 am

Samurai wrote:
SA.jpg

so very true ....

and lest we forget - same applies when we tour other countries, we see only the "tourist view" ... Takes a special effort to break out of the mould and to see the real country.

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 6:11 pm

swartvark · Post by **swartvark** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 8:50 pm

Only "Game of thrones" viewers will understand this one....

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:51 pm

The Dying Preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.

As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.

They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:53 pm

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Pote · Post by **Pote** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 2:52 pm

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . .
'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady?s dress and began
to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the
patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . ' Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

5. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered..... It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was
a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and
examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked
if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied...

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts
for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'

werewolf · Post by **werewolf** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 2:57 pm

This is how to secure a load.

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Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 3:49 pm

werewolf wrote:This is how to secure a load.

image.jpg

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:29 pm

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:41 pm

werewolf wrote:This is how to secure a load.

image.jpg

and here i thought that it was a bow and the sand was the present for a landy owner!!!

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 6:11 am

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Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:09 am

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10 ... =2&theater" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:34 am

Hoppy wrote:https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10 ... =2&theater

And to think, he almost made it out... Poor dog, but at least he got the dog out in time...

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 11:10 am

The difference of 20 years of democracy!

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 2:33 pm

Hoppy wrote:https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10 ... =2&theater

Sjit happens, even the best plans sometimes fail when variables or unforseens come into play. It's obvious he's done that before, just went pear shaped this time around. I reckon his actions were just about as good as it gets under those circumstances, dog tossing and all (picking up a smallish dog by the scruff of it's neck rarely hurts them).

What amazes me is that those tyres provide enough flotation for the weight of the vehicle

..... if only Jeremy Clarkson had known that in advance.

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:53 pm

Something us older guys can understand

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Rianc · Post by **Rianc** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:27 pm

Die "YES" knoppie is on aktief! kan jy hom weer laai?

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Tue Jun 10, 2014 5:08 pm

Rianc wrote:Die "YES" knoppie is on aktief! kan jy hom weer laai?

TIPIES Windows !! Die program wat jy wil gebruik wil nooit werk nie ....

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:10 pm

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland , UK :

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT.

2. FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

3. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

4. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU

8. DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

10. DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:49 pm

Obelix and Dogmatix · Post by **Obelix and Dogmatix** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 2:30 pm

as a golfer that is wize advise!!!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:00 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:35 pm

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:36 pm

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Post by **CasKru** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 4:59 pm

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:12 pm

CasKru wrote:

you should SEE the face we make when we DID pay the bill and eksdom thinks its time to "shed the load" .... shedding scary face ....

Post by **CasKru** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:33 pm

Die BMW hierbo het 'n moo-se-bonnet

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 6:53 pm

CasKru wrote:Die BMW hierbo het 'n moo-se-bonnet

Think that pic's been 'shopped' ... it's a lot of bull!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu Jun 12, 2014 9:17 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri Jun 13, 2014 8:49 am

Mud Dog wrote:Think that pic's been 'shopped' ... it's a lot of bull!

Look at the ride-height, there is no way it will have a std stance with 600kg plus on the hood.

swartvark · Post by **swartvark** » Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:07 am

Hoppy wrote:
Mud Dog wrote:Think that pic's been 'shopped' ... it's a lot of bull!
Look at the ride-height, there is no way it will have a std stance with 600kg plus on the hood.

Hy's family van die koeie wat gebruik word om Bubbles Choclits van te maak..............hulle weeg niks......hulle float mos inni lug rond.

ChrisF · Post by **ChrisF** » Fri Jun 13, 2014 2:15 pm

swartvark wrote:
Hoppy wrote:
Mud Dog wrote:Think that pic's been 'shopped' ... it's a lot of bull!
Look at the ride-height, there is no way it will have a std stance with 600kg plus on the hood.
Hy's family van die koeie wat gebruik word om Bubbles Choclits van te maak..............hulle weeg niks......hulle float mos inni lug rond.

en dog jy gaan sê dis DUITSE ingenieurswese op daai suspensie ....

Post by **CasKru** » Fri Jun 13, 2014 2:58 pm

Ek dink daai BMW kry koud want kyk, hy het 'n Jersey

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sat Jun 14, 2014 12:28 am

.... Actually a Friesland, Cas, but either way, when the owner gets back to his car he's gonna have a flippen cow.

Post by **CasKru** » Sun Jun 15, 2014 3:38 pm

Mud Dog wrote: .... Actually a Friesland, Cas, but either way, when the owner gets back to his car he's gonna have a flippen cow.

That's no bullshite

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sun Jun 15, 2014 9:10 pm

Wacky stick figure families ..........

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Jun 15, 2014 10:11 pm

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:42 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:50 pm

But I think that is only the pocket version.

Pote · Post by **Pote** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 8:30 am

Froll wrote: But I think that is only the pocket version.

That is only the Index.........

Post by **CasKru** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 9:29 am

There was actually a guy in history that figured out and understood woman. Unfortunately he died laughing

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 7:41 pm

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 8:21 pm

Hehe!

..... that front wheel should also have been replaced with a slightly bigger one at the end of some nice long chopper forks!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 8:23 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue Jun 17, 2014 9:11 pm

Hehe!!

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