Joke of the day

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu Mar 20, 2014 8:43 pm

grobbepj · Post by **grobbepj** » Fri Mar 21, 2014 6:58 pm

ImageUploadedByTapatalk1395421094.399823.jpg: (66.16 KiB) Downloaded 312 times

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 4:08 pm

Koos en sy vrou word na n halloween party genooi. Mar toe word vroulief siek en bly by huis. Sy se toe Koos gaan en geniet dit. Sy gaan slaap n ruk en word wakker en voel soos gewoonlik sommer stukke beter. Net daar besluit sy om ook party toe te gan. Daar gekom sien sy hoe dans Koos alte lekker met al die meisies wat dans. Sy het ook n masker aan wat Koos nog nooit gesien het nie en sy betree toe die dansbaan en begin Koos te verlei. Dit gaan so lekker die 2 beland in donker kamer. Toe hul uitkom spat sy om voor Koos by die huis te kom.

Toe hy by huis kom wil sy dadelik weet - en hoe was die party? Koos se toe jy weet mos ek hou nie davan om sonder jou na sulke goed te gaan nie. Het jy darem gedans vra sy. Nee nie 1 keer nie ek en Karel het in die kombuis poker gespeel. Maar Sarel wat my kostuum en masker geleen het het vertel hy het n baie lekker aandjie gehad!"

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 4:10 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 6:28 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:16 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:55 pm

Jacob, age 92, and Henrietta, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist.

Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes".

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob:" Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundices?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety..... the works!"

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson's Disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob:" You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes. Why do you ask? Is there something I can help you with?"

Jacob says to the pharmacist:
"We'd like to nominate your store as our Bridal Gift Shop."

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 8:10 pm

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Post by **Family_Dog** » Sat Mar 22, 2014 8:26 pm

Scottish Husband

A thoughtful Scottish Husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub,
He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘ Abigail - put your hat and coat on, lassie.’
She replied, 'Awe Dearheart, that's nice - are you taking me tae the pub with you? '
'Nay,’ Fraser replied ‘I'm turning the heat off while I'm oot.'

-F_D

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 10:49 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 11:28 am

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 2:35 pm

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 2:58 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 3:17 pm

Don't worry, caught me out as well.

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 5:59 pm

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Sun Mar 23, 2014 9:08 pm

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 2:10 pm

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!!", not a single one could shout "Truck."

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 2:56 pm

Post by **CasKru** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 3:02 pm

Post by **Family_Dog** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 3:49 pm

Andy, and here I thought you had mistakenly posted here instead of in the Nature section...!

-F_D

Warrior · Post by **Warrior** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 4:12 pm

SARS

The SARS Officer suspected a Cape Town fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his employees and sent an official to investigate him.

Sars officer: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him R1,000 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy.He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work. He makes about R10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of Klipdrift and a dozen Castle Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

Sars officer: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What do you want to know"?

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 4:22 pm

Sounds like me

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 4:39 pm

Zapiro does it again

: zapiro nkandla.jpg (110.44 KiB) Viewed 8050 times

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 4:45 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 5:11 pm

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 6:49 pm

Julius gaan kooperasie toe om raad te vra oor 'n molplaag in sy tuin. Die verkoopsman gee hom gif en sê: "Druk dit in die mol se gat en jou probleme sal opgelos wees." Julius dink so 'n rukkie na en vra toe: "Dink jy die mol sal stil sit?"

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 7:35 pm

Mylux · Post by **Mylux** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 7:45 pm

Mylux · Post by **Mylux** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 7:48 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 8:01 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 8:22 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 8:44 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 8:45 pm

: 1011324_10151749050947792_18084501_n.jpg (35.04 KiB) Viewed 8265 times

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 8:47 pm

Post by **Baasvark** » Mon Mar 24, 2014 9:20 pm

:lol::lol:

Sent from my SM-N900 using Tapatalk

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 9:18 am

ThysdJ · Post by **ThysdJ** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 9:22 am

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 11:43 am

Royal selfies!!

Post by **Haboob** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 2:28 pm

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 2:43 pm

Skroppie · Post by **Skroppie** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 3:08 pm

Vaseline Survey:

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was
greeted by a young woman with three small children running
around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline.

Have you ever used the product?'

She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.'

'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?'

'We use it for sex.'

The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie
to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a
gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I
admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me
exactly how you use it for sex?'

The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all...
My husband and I put it on the
door knob and it keeps the kids out.'

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 3:40 pm

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 5:49 pm

Golden oldie.......Why men don't write advice columns...Dear Jim... Last week I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile and my car broke down so I walked home and arriving unexpectedly I found my husband in bed with the babysitter!!! I am devastated can you help?.......................Dear Sally… A common cause for this is dirt in your carburettor...don’t let your fuel drop too low in the tank...hope this helps.

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 5:58 pm

Brilliant

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 6:26 pm

Post by **Baasvark** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 6:57 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:25 pm

Mylux · Post by **Mylux** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 12:14 am

Brilliant !

Toppie4x4 · Post by **Toppie4x4** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 5:56 am

need to remember this one next time arround??

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 8:46 am

A blonde was speeding in a 25 mile per hour residential zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over. The female police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?' Irritated, the blonde cop said, "Don't be a smartas*!, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 2:23 pm

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 4:07 pm

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(Ok, I'm going off the 'pig' idea a bit)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 4:16 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 7:44 pm

Post by **Baasvark** » Wed Mar 26, 2014 9:51 pm

Skroppie · Post by **Skroppie** » Thu Mar 27, 2014 7:55 am

Malema’s girlfriend just delivered twin babies.
The whole night Malema couldn’t sleep -
He was thinking - "Who is the Father of the second baby?" ......

4x4BEES · Post by **4x4BEES** » Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:02 am