Joke of the day

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Fri May 10, 2013 8:39 am

What has a thousand legs and three pubes?

The front row of a Justin Bieber concert

dustbuster · Post by **dustbuster** » Fri May 10, 2013 8:43 am

Blitzkrieg · Post by **Blitzkrieg** » Fri May 10, 2013 9:52 am

Ekt 'n grap vir die dag.....
Ek SOU nou SA toe gevlieg het op verlof en vir die eerste keer my 94 V8 Hilux gaan toets het....
Ek SOU nou SA toe gevlieg het en die naweek my laaitie (5) vir sy eerste jag trip gevat het....

Teveel werk, te min mense, moet maar wag tot later....
Dankie tog dis darm Vrydag!

sakkie4x4 · Post by **sakkie4x4** » Fri May 10, 2013 11:50 am

Vodka anybody?

mushroom · Post by **mushroom** » Fri May 10, 2013 2:06 pm

When clearance isn't an issue ...

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri May 10, 2013 4:47 pm

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri May 10, 2013 9:22 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri May 10, 2013 9:25 pm

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Fri May 10, 2013 10:21 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat May 11, 2013 4:40 pm

..

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat May 11, 2013 4:59 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sat May 11, 2013 11:01 pm

Family matters ............

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Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun May 12, 2013 12:40 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun May 12, 2013 12:47 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun May 12, 2013 12:53 pm

The sexiest man bulge that all woman find very attractive......

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Sun May 12, 2013 10:47 pm

Hopefully this will help start the week for you all.

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon May 13, 2013 10:17 am

Donkey · Post by **Donkey** » Mon May 13, 2013 10:48 am

Me likes the one on latex

, good one

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Mon May 13, 2013 4:04 pm

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KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Mon May 13, 2013 4:16 pm

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zepplin · Post by **zepplin** » Mon May 13, 2013 5:17 pm

Oubaas · Post by **Oubaas** » Mon May 13, 2013 7:54 pm

The Irish Again
Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Paddy for a light.
'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'My Goodness!' exclaimed Mick, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Where'd ew git dat monster?'
'Well,' replied Paddy, 'I got it from my Genie..'
'You haff a fecking Genie?' Mick asked.
'Ya, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Paddy.
'Could I see him?'
Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the Genie, Mick says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good pal of your master. Will you rant me one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks The Genie disappears back into the ackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying irectly overhead.

Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy, 'What the hell? I asked or a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Paddy answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Mon May 13, 2013 10:22 pm

gavin · Post by **gavin** » Tue May 14, 2013 6:34 am

Ja nee Gedeon die kinder jare was lekker maar nou raak ons speel goed net grooter.

4 runner oldie · Post by **4 runner oldie** » Tue May 14, 2013 7:49 am

Post by **Family_Dog** » Tue May 14, 2013 2:07 pm

' The Origin of the White Wedding Dress '

IT TOOK A VERY BRAVE MAN TO WRITE THIS....

IT TAKES AN EVEN BRAVER ONE TO FORWARD IT....!!

A son asked his mother the following question:

' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies:

' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

' Dad why are wedding dresses white? '
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

The husband is still in intensive care and the prognosis is not good!!!

Borntofish · Post by **Borntofish** » Tue May 14, 2013 2:39 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue May 14, 2013 4:01 pm

Donkey · Post by **Donkey** » Thu May 16, 2013 8:32 pm

Give this man a bells.

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu May 16, 2013 8:56 pm

jacques kotze · Post by **jacques kotze** » Thu May 16, 2013 9:11 pm

Hoppy · Post by **Hoppy** » Thu May 16, 2013 10:57 pm

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri May 17, 2013 4:30 pm

Titty Bar !

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Scroll

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Down

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What were you expecting!??

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Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri May 17, 2013 4:33 pm

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

" Not yet, " said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

" How come I don't get any eggs and bacon ? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal ? " he asks.

" Well, " his mother says, " I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk. "

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says,

" You gonna tell him or should I ? "

Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri May 17, 2013 4:35 pm

One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class.
Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny?
Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon.
Teacher: Wow! What a choice... Do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?
Johnny : No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning...
Give that boy a Bells!!!

Donkey · Post by **Donkey** » Fri May 17, 2013 7:41 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Fri May 17, 2013 9:11 pm

The devil goes to Cape Town and meets Gatiep and asks him,
Do you know who I am?

Gatiep replies " Nei man "

The devil says " I am the prince of darkness "

Gatiep exclaims " Ooh, soe djy's 'n bigshot by Eskom "

Post by **Mud Dog** » Sat May 18, 2013 8:19 am

A South African Story (almost certain it's been posted before)

Only South Africans can understand...

Xolani, driving the latest BMW, was
pulled over by a Gauteng policeman at a roadblock.

'Congratulations', said the cop. 'Because you are wearing your seat belt,
you have just won R5,000 in the Arrive Alive safety competition'..

Xolani could hardly believe his luck.

'What are you going to do with your cash?' asked the traffic cop.

'Eish! I'm going to get a driver's license,' Xolani answered.

'AAUW!! Please sir, don't listen to him sir,' yelled Sipho in the passenger
seat. 'He always tries to be smart when he is drunk!'

With all this noise, Andiswa woke up in the back seat. He took one look at
the cop and moaned, 'YOH! Guys - I TOLD you, stealing the BMW was a bad, bad
idea. WE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE RED MAZDA! BUT YOU ARE ALWAYS TOO CLEVA!!'

At that moment, there was a knock from the boot and Zakele's voice said,
'Are we over the border yet?

Then the cop said : 'Okay, my brothers. How are we sharing this R5000?!!!!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sat May 18, 2013 5:27 pm

Post by **Family_Dog** » Tue May 21, 2013 8:35 pm

Vanoggend word ek waker van 'n helse lawaai nog dik babalas half dronk naar en heavy moeg,
die buurman is besig om gras te sny, ek dog toe de moer met dit ek gaan nie nou opstaan nie hy moet maar om my sny...

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-F_D

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Tue May 21, 2013 9:06 pm

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Tue May 21, 2013 9:14 pm

Post by **Mud Dog** » Tue May 21, 2013 9:27 pm

Cute!

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Wed May 22, 2013 10:36 am

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Ali3n · Post by **Ali3n** » Wed May 22, 2013 10:38 am

X-Dors · Post by **X-Dors** » Wed May 22, 2013 1:53 pm

A Special Package for Businessmen.
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.
Buy your ticket; get your wife's ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how the trip was.
All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the Living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number:
"Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone:
"Let me call you back later Honey, the stupid woman is in the kitchen.

Cool message by a wife
Dear Mother-in-law,
"Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Throwing knives at wife's picture
Husband was throwing knives at his wife’s picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."

Habit of talking in sleep
A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?
Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN
Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate, hurricanes to swirl around & no one teaches a man how to choose a wife.
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Your husband needs rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Wed May 22, 2013 2:55 pm

Donkey · Post by **Donkey** » Wed May 22, 2013 6:10 pm

A lot of truth in some of those above

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Wed May 22, 2013 8:04 pm

AM Racing · Post by **AM Racing** » Thu May 23, 2013 6:55 pm

I swopped my Hilux for Land Rover

Post by **Mud Dog** » Thu May 23, 2013 7:00 pm

That's not even funny, Dylan!!

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Thu May 23, 2013 9:00 pm

Stupid was never funny.

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Fri May 24, 2013 3:32 pm

Mud Dog wrote:That's not even funny, Dylan!!

Why is he still on the forum

Post by **Mud Dog** » Fri May 24, 2013 3:40 pm

Thunder02 wrote:
Mud Dog wrote:That's not even funny, Dylan!!
Why is he still on the forum

Because once he joined, he became family .... and we all know you can't choose your family!

(I'm happy to admit that Dylan is also a good stand-up friend!

)

Thunder02 · Post by **Thunder02** » Fri May 24, 2013 4:00 pm

Mud Dog wrote:
Thunder02 wrote:
Mud Dog wrote:That's not even funny, Dylan!!
Why is he still on the forum
Because once he joined, he became family .... and we all know you can't choose your family!

(I'm happy to admit that Dylan is also a good stand-up friend! )

One of the flock has wondered off,it's our duty to bring him back

AM Racing · Post by **AM Racing** » Sat May 25, 2013 8:17 pm

Its ok I came to my senses and cancelled by club membership to the LR Club

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Sun May 26, 2013 6:16 am

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in South Africa.

The Mayor of the South African town visited the Spanish town.
When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.
The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a four-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".

The following year the Spaniard visited the South African town.
He was simply amazed at the South African Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous.
When he asked how this could be afforded the South African said; "You see that bridge over there?"

The Spaniard replied; "No."

AM Racing · Post by **AM Racing** » Sun May 26, 2013 7:12 am

Froll · Post by **Froll** » Sun May 26, 2013 12:44 pm

KOBUSL · Post by **KOBUSL** » Sun May 26, 2013 3:01 pm

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